love

Melissa’s Quick Tip

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Hello Everyone, Yesterday, my amazing, beautiful, intelligent, sweet, loving wife Melissa shared a relationship tip for couples. I’d like to share it with you.  “Hi friends, I’m wishing you all a beautiful Wednesday!  Here’s a quick tip I’ve learned from 21 years of marriage: Relationships aren’t something you treat with passivity. You have to work … Read more

Staying Connected

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Tell me, O you whom I love, Where you feed your flock, Where you make it rest at noon. For why should I be as one who veils herself By the flocks of your companions? (Song of Solomon 1:7 NKJV)

Song of Solomon is a love poem that speaks about the intimate relationship between a Shulamite woman and her Belived, King Solimon. The poem has stanzas where they each express their love. In Song of Solomom 1:7, the Shulamite woman asks her Beloved where he feeds his flock and where he rests at noon. In modern term she’s asking where he’s working today and his plans for his lunch break. 

She isn’t being nosy or trying to meddle in his business. She’s not being needy and she’s not a stalker. She’s simply trying to make a connection with him. She’s seeking to maintain their intimacy in their daily routine. Strong, long lasting marriages are fueled and protected by emotional, physical, and social intimacy. When we’re physically apart from our spouses we’re still married. To maintain the relationship we need to know when, where, and how to connect even when we’re apart. 

“What time are you having lunch” is a question that opens the door for connection. The Shulamite woman could take a break from her day to meet and share a meal. She could send him something special to eat by a messenger. Today, we have many more opportunities for connection than the couple in Song of Solomon. We can share a phone call or video call at lunch time. We could connect quickly when we arrive at work to let our spouses know we’ve made it there safely or just as we’re leaving the office so they can anticipate our return. We can share a text or picture message on our breaks just to say “I love you”. 

These little connections help us maintain intimacy throughout the day. It’s important because without these connections, we or our spouses may inadvertently make ourselves available to connect intimately with others. The Shulamite woman asks “why should I be as one who veils herself by the flocks of your companions?” She’s basically saying without the connection to her Beloved she’s like a single woman who’s open to the advances of other guys. Let me be blunt about this. If we disconnect from our spouses we leave the door open for others to fulfill their need for intimacy. We’re leaving the door open for us to connect with others as well. 

The remedy for this situation is the same for every area of our marriages. Stay connected. Marriages that are disconnected are insecure and vulnerable to outside influences. But marriages that are intimate with full disclosure are closer, deeper, and last a lifetime. 

Guard Your Heart

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Keep your heart with all diligence, For out of it spring the issues of life. (Proverbs 4:23 NKJV)

Lately the pressures of family, ministry, work, and school have caused my emotions to spill outward. The interesting thing is most of what’s coming out isn’t new. It’s all old feelings that I’ve tried to bury in my heart through the years. As I’m going through these experiences, I’ve resolved to do my best to express my feelings rather than suppress them. Honestly, this decision has made my mind clearer and my heart lighter. Here’s how you can do it too. 

Keep or guard your heart. It means to be aware of your heart and feelings. It means to pay attention to your emotional state. To guard your heart well, you’ll need a healthy and accurate emotional vocabulary. You need to know the subtle differences between anger, frustration, and disappointment for example and know when you’re feeling each one. This will give you the ability to address your feelings correctly rather than waiting for them to fade and take up residence in your heart. 

Guard your heart with diligence. The word used for diligence here in the scripture literally means to imprison or jail. Years ago I directed a ministry to a juvenile detention facility. One of the first things you learn is security seeks to keep inmates from going out but they’re just as diligent about monitoring what’s brought inside. Everyday items like paper clips, staples, and even plastic cutlery could be used by detainees to harm themselves or harm the officers. There was always a strong officer on duty ready to search any bags if needed.

We must have the same diligence when it comes to our hearts. The baggage of everyday life has to be checked at the door by a strong dose of truth from God’s word and consistent prayer. Discouragement, depression, anger, hatred, unforgiveness, and any thing else you can think of just walks right into our hearts when there is no truth with which to compare it. When these emotional challenges get a foothold in our hearts, they eventually become our issues in life. Under the right circumstances with the right pressure, they flow out of us in ways that hurt others and ourselves. 

When we guard our hearts, keeping damaging emotions out by accepting the truth of God’s word, we will find the issues of life are easier to deal with. Instead of our hearts being a source of negative issues, we will become a source of healthy, positive attitudes and emotions.

Forgiven Much

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Therefore I say to you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much. But to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little.” (Luke 7:47 NKJV)

I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my life that required my wife and children to forgive me. Here’s a truth I’ve learned as they’ve forgiven me time and time again: love is the key to being forgiven. Jesus reveals two truths about love and forgiveness I’d like to share today.

The more we are forgiven, the more we will love.

One of the marks of a mature believer is their awareness of their own sins. As we spend more time applying scripture to our lives, the Holy Spirit make us keenly aware of the areas of our lives that fail to line up with God’s will.

When we truly comprehend the magnitude and consequences of our wrong doings, forgiveness becomes more valuable to us. It’s meaning is amplified in our hearts. When we receive forgiveness from God, we express our love for him with humility and thankfulness. We love him because he first loved us, he sent Jesus to pay the penalty for our sins, and he has forgiven us.

The more we love, the more we will forgive.

When our daughter, Faith, was very young she was a natural at love and forgiveness. If Melissa and I argued or disagreed, Faith would interrupt us by saying “mama I love you” and “daddy I love you”. We would respond by saying “we love you too”. We couldn’t stay angry with each other after expressing sincere love for our daughter. It was like Faith was reminding us that we loved each other. That feeling of love helped us forgive each other.

Forgiveness is an act of love. God loved the world through Jesus. Its a love strong enough to forgive any sin. Each time we forgive others we’re saying we love them more than the hurt we received from their wrong doing. If you’re having difficulty forgiving others, it won’t be resolved by waiting on them to do something to appease your feelings. Your ability to forgive is directly dependent on your love toward them. Begin by loving them with the love of God.

And above all things have fervent love for one another, for “love will cover a multitude of sins.” (I Peter 4:8 NKJV)

To forgive much we must love much. Who’s mistakes do you need to cover with love?