Someone asked this great question related to conflict resolution recently: “what do you do when the relationship is beyond repair?”
Sometimes we reach a point in our conflicts that cause us to walk away angry, hurt, and unresolved. Friendships may end with a misunderstanding or maybe family members disown each other and refuse to speak for years. Even in churches, we have these types of conflicts that not only go unresolved but spread to others creating an us against them attitude. These situations may seem beyond repair but there is hope.
“Now all things are of God, who has reconciled us to Himself through Jesus Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation, that is, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not imputing their trespasses to them, and has committed to us the word of reconciliation. Now then, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were pleading through us: we implore you on Christs behalf, be reconciled to God. For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.” (2 Corinthians 5:18-21 NKJV)
From this passage, I’d like to share four steps to consider when trying to resolve conflicts that seem impossible. I will discuss two steps today and two tomorrow.
1. Focus on the highest goal.
God was in the world reconciling people to himself and has commissioned us to do the same. Our goal in conflict resolution is never to win. Our highest goal is to Resolve the conflicts between people and God, Reconcile the differences between people and God, and Restore the proper relationships between people and God. There are many personal benefits to resolving conflicts but we must resist the temptation to meet our own needs until the greatest need is met.
2. Forgive and be merciful.
Paul said God didn’t impute the sins of the people. We must also forgive the wrongs that have been committed without imputing penalties on others. Never forget the penalty for sinning against God is eternally deadly. The person who steals from you, lies on you, or physically abuses you has also sinned against God and is in danger of his wrath. People who sin against you need mercy from the wrath of God more than your condemnation.
Which of these two steps is the most challenging for you, and why? Leave a reply.
NUMBER 2 IS MY HARDEST ONE. BECAUSE WHEN SOMEONE HAS BEEN YOUR FRIEND FOR SO MANY YEARS, YOU NEVER WOULD THINK THAT PERSON WOULD TURN ON YOU TOO MAKE THERE SELF GOOD. AND TRY TO MAKE THE OTHER PERSON LOOKS BAD. IF I HAD TO WIN A MILLION DOLLARS ON A GAME SHOW, AND THE QUESTION WAS, DO YOU THINK YOUR BEST FRIEND IS A TRUE FRIEND TO YOU. GUESS WHAT, I WOULD HAVE LOST IT. SO IN OTHER WORDS, SOME FRIENDSHIP ARE BEYOND REPAIR.
Great comment. Many times those relationships seem impossible to repair but it can be done. The big question is whether we believe our feelings can be repaired. When we’re hurting we’re also resistant to reconciliation. But we must work hard on our feelings and allow love to cover the wrongs of others. Be encouraged, what’s impossible for man is possible with God.
Number two would be the hardest for me. I have been in this situation and was hurt beyond repair, so I thought. I can honestly say I prayed every time the situation came to mind. I asked God to please remove the negativity of this individual from me. One day this person came to me and we discussed the situation. Though they feel it is resolved, and it is, but I feel I will never trust this person with none of my personal business. But I can say I can be cordial to them now. And this sermon series is definitely helping me to see that with prayer, things can be resolved.
Thanks for sharing your story. God will continue to give you the ability to resolve your conflicts. It’s a skill we must all learn.